Mixed Emotions

Well I have to say this is this first day in a long time I have had one of those really disappointing days. Monday I called my ob/gyn to tell her that my cycle still had not started since my surgery(07/01). Sean was very concerned something was wrong, me I wasn’t too worried yet. After surgery she gave us the hope that pregnancy would come fairly easy. There was nothing she could find physically wrong with me. So, she decided I needed blood work to see what was going on. I went Tuesday for the blood work…..the wait begins.

On the ride home Monday night Sean and I just talked about how exciting it would be if I was pregnant. You know, you always hear the stories of people “adopting” and then getting pregnant. Well we thought maybe this was it. We were going to start our foster/adoption classes the next day. In the back of my mind I just kept thinking how great this would be, Mom’s b-day is 09/17 and Sean’s b-day 09/18. What better birthday presents than a baby on the way?

By now(today), I finally get a call from the dr. We are not pregnant, however all other levels are good. So I am happy about that. Nothing is still physically wrong with me. So I start medicine today to induce a cycle hopefully. Hopefully that will work. If not I have to call back to have more tests scheduled.

I subscribe to a daily blog about infertility and this came…..not at a better time.

I was recently reading a passage of Scripture in Mark about Jesus feeding a huge crowd of people with nothing more than five loaves of bread and two small fish. I’m such a visual thinker, and as I read this story I love to image the astonished faces of the front-row witnesses to such a mind-boggling miracle. Can’t you hear their lips smacking as Jesus took what started out as nothing more than a little boy’s lunch and multiplied it into a belly-busting buffet for five thousand men, plus all the women and their children, with twelve full baskets of leftovers to take home? What a faith-building story for those of us who need God’s provision!

But don’t stop there! Keep reading through Mark’s writings and see what else happened to Jesus and His disciples in that same day. It was quite an exciting day to say the least. The disciples got into a boat as Jesus told them to do, and He went into the mountains for some prayer time alone. While they were sailing, a huge storm erupted and they were terrified! Just as they thought they would surely drown, they look up and here come Jesus walking on the water toward them! Can you imagine what it must have been like? At first they thought He was a ghost, but eventually they realized He was the Son of God, literally walking on the water toward them, and He calmed their storm! Can you imagine what they told their wives when they asked “So honey, how was your day today?”

These true stories are some of my favorites in the entire Bible. I have read them more times than I could possibly count, have taught them and have written about them. If you had asked me if I knew these stories, I would have confidently told you I knew these passages well. The other day, God informed me that I had missed a very important point in the story!

Wait! What did I miss? I’ve read this a gabillion times! Maybe you have too, but even so, read it with me again. It’s amazing how there are so many nuggets of truth in God Word. This one is nestled right there at the end of the story about the disciples in the storm. Jesus has just calmed the chaos and climbed in the boat. The disciples are dripping with rainwater and doubt when Mark 6:51-52 says “they were utterly astonished, for they had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves but their heart was hardened.”

When I read this Scripture for the thousandth time the other night, my mouth literally dropped open, and it was as if I read it for the first time. They had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves but their heart was hardened? Are you kidding me? How did they watch the Son of God take a handful of food and literally transform it into enough food to fill the stomachs of thousands upon thousands of hungry people and think He was clueless about the storm they were about to sail into? How could they stand so near to Jesus, watch Him lay His hands on sick bodies and watch them be healed, hear God robed in flesh as He spoke comfort to grieving hearts and allow their own hearts to be hardened? How could they miss the miracles?

The same way I do.

How can I go through my day and not see God’s provision in my life? Have I not gained any insight from the miraculous incidents God has allowed to be played out right in front of me? There were so many times I told God how hard infertility was, and how alone I felt. God provided a friend to share my burden, to help me carry this weight. Perhaps she was God’s way of providing the bread and fish to my hungry soul! Did I miss God’s measure of peace in my storm, spoken to me through my pastor’s sermon, or a kind word from a friend? I don’t want to miss out! I don’t want my heart to be hardened.

As we all do, I sometimes forget to thank god for all the blessings I have in my life. I have the best family and friends a person could ask for. Thank you God for giving me the many blessings you do.

Everyone have a great weekend. See you at the Ham and Turkey Festival!

Love,
Jessica

Unhappy People

**I have just been dealing with some of these people lately and found this article***

This has been on my mind for a couple of days on how to deal with these people, I am looking for my answer. Jessica

Unhappy people are usually unhappy because they have not mastered the ability to be happy within themselves. Therefore, they may try and gain happiness/pleasure through others no matter what that entails. Don't get confused with my usage of unhappiness and then compare it to depression because they are two different things. This article is about unhappy people - not depressed people.

An unhappy person often uses others to get what they need out of life. At first this may work, but after a while the relationship begins to experience problems because their partner cannot tolerate the life getting literally sucked out of them. This kind of needy and spongy behavior is what the medical and psychiatric establishments like to call, "codependency".

There is nothing really wrong with these kinds of people, except for the fact they need to come out of their selfishness, grow up, be accountable and take responsibility for their own happiness. Unfortunately when certain establishments coin codependency as some life long emotional problem, people don't take responsibility for their behavior. For them it's always someone else's fault why they drink, why they look at porn, why they do drugs, why they have an anger management problem, why they feel like the whole world owes them a favor, and why they continue to live a bitter filled existence.

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -- Og Mandino

The problem begins when the unhappy person does not get all of their needs and desires met through someone else and believe they are unhappy because of the person they married. But in actuality nothing is further from the truth. Unhappy and bitter people have made an addiction for themselves - they have a compulsion to wallow in their misery. They are stuck inside of their discontent and bitter heart and can't get out, no matter how much they continue to use and abuse others for happiness.

The miserable person may even seem jovial to others on the outside - they go to work every day, take care of their families, and seem to have a normal life, but on the inside something is amiss with these unhappy, bitter folks. They often complain about others, and try and control any one they can to get their needs and desires met. But marriage, and any relationship for that matter, cannot stand up under such abuse and the marriage usually ends in divorce.

So, what can an unhappy person do to help themselves out of their misery? First off the unhappy person should realize that happiness does not grow on trees - you cannot get happiness through others. You are hurting so many people in the process of creating happiness for yourself and that is very wrong.

Happiness is found within the person you are - you master happiness for yourself, once you master the art of connecting with your Creator. If your connection is faulty so will be the person you can be - the whole and complete person you were created to become. Happiness is made through building up your spiritual connection with God. God gives us everything we need to sustain ourselves with. If you have made room in your heart for His wisdom, knowledge and love, then you will find happiness within.

Jesus said, "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you shall receive, and your JOY will be complete." (John 16:24 NIV)