Mixed Emotions

Well I have to say this is this first day in a long time I have had one of those really disappointing days. Monday I called my ob/gyn to tell her that my cycle still had not started since my surgery(07/01). Sean was very concerned something was wrong, me I wasn’t too worried yet. After surgery she gave us the hope that pregnancy would come fairly easy. There was nothing she could find physically wrong with me. So, she decided I needed blood work to see what was going on. I went Tuesday for the blood work…..the wait begins.

On the ride home Monday night Sean and I just talked about how exciting it would be if I was pregnant. You know, you always hear the stories of people “adopting” and then getting pregnant. Well we thought maybe this was it. We were going to start our foster/adoption classes the next day. In the back of my mind I just kept thinking how great this would be, Mom’s b-day is 09/17 and Sean’s b-day 09/18. What better birthday presents than a baby on the way?

By now(today), I finally get a call from the dr. We are not pregnant, however all other levels are good. So I am happy about that. Nothing is still physically wrong with me. So I start medicine today to induce a cycle hopefully. Hopefully that will work. If not I have to call back to have more tests scheduled.

I subscribe to a daily blog about infertility and this came…..not at a better time.

I was recently reading a passage of Scripture in Mark about Jesus feeding a huge crowd of people with nothing more than five loaves of bread and two small fish. I’m such a visual thinker, and as I read this story I love to image the astonished faces of the front-row witnesses to such a mind-boggling miracle. Can’t you hear their lips smacking as Jesus took what started out as nothing more than a little boy’s lunch and multiplied it into a belly-busting buffet for five thousand men, plus all the women and their children, with twelve full baskets of leftovers to take home? What a faith-building story for those of us who need God’s provision!

But don’t stop there! Keep reading through Mark’s writings and see what else happened to Jesus and His disciples in that same day. It was quite an exciting day to say the least. The disciples got into a boat as Jesus told them to do, and He went into the mountains for some prayer time alone. While they were sailing, a huge storm erupted and they were terrified! Just as they thought they would surely drown, they look up and here come Jesus walking on the water toward them! Can you imagine what it must have been like? At first they thought He was a ghost, but eventually they realized He was the Son of God, literally walking on the water toward them, and He calmed their storm! Can you imagine what they told their wives when they asked “So honey, how was your day today?”

These true stories are some of my favorites in the entire Bible. I have read them more times than I could possibly count, have taught them and have written about them. If you had asked me if I knew these stories, I would have confidently told you I knew these passages well. The other day, God informed me that I had missed a very important point in the story!

Wait! What did I miss? I’ve read this a gabillion times! Maybe you have too, but even so, read it with me again. It’s amazing how there are so many nuggets of truth in God Word. This one is nestled right there at the end of the story about the disciples in the storm. Jesus has just calmed the chaos and climbed in the boat. The disciples are dripping with rainwater and doubt when Mark 6:51-52 says “they were utterly astonished, for they had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves but their heart was hardened.”

When I read this Scripture for the thousandth time the other night, my mouth literally dropped open, and it was as if I read it for the first time. They had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves but their heart was hardened? Are you kidding me? How did they watch the Son of God take a handful of food and literally transform it into enough food to fill the stomachs of thousands upon thousands of hungry people and think He was clueless about the storm they were about to sail into? How could they stand so near to Jesus, watch Him lay His hands on sick bodies and watch them be healed, hear God robed in flesh as He spoke comfort to grieving hearts and allow their own hearts to be hardened? How could they miss the miracles?

The same way I do.

How can I go through my day and not see God’s provision in my life? Have I not gained any insight from the miraculous incidents God has allowed to be played out right in front of me? There were so many times I told God how hard infertility was, and how alone I felt. God provided a friend to share my burden, to help me carry this weight. Perhaps she was God’s way of providing the bread and fish to my hungry soul! Did I miss God’s measure of peace in my storm, spoken to me through my pastor’s sermon, or a kind word from a friend? I don’t want to miss out! I don’t want my heart to be hardened.

As we all do, I sometimes forget to thank god for all the blessings I have in my life. I have the best family and friends a person could ask for. Thank you God for giving me the many blessings you do.

Everyone have a great weekend. See you at the Ham and Turkey Festival!

Love,
Jessica

Unhappy People

**I have just been dealing with some of these people lately and found this article***

This has been on my mind for a couple of days on how to deal with these people, I am looking for my answer. Jessica

Unhappy people are usually unhappy because they have not mastered the ability to be happy within themselves. Therefore, they may try and gain happiness/pleasure through others no matter what that entails. Don't get confused with my usage of unhappiness and then compare it to depression because they are two different things. This article is about unhappy people - not depressed people.

An unhappy person often uses others to get what they need out of life. At first this may work, but after a while the relationship begins to experience problems because their partner cannot tolerate the life getting literally sucked out of them. This kind of needy and spongy behavior is what the medical and psychiatric establishments like to call, "codependency".

There is nothing really wrong with these kinds of people, except for the fact they need to come out of their selfishness, grow up, be accountable and take responsibility for their own happiness. Unfortunately when certain establishments coin codependency as some life long emotional problem, people don't take responsibility for their behavior. For them it's always someone else's fault why they drink, why they look at porn, why they do drugs, why they have an anger management problem, why they feel like the whole world owes them a favor, and why they continue to live a bitter filled existence.

"Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving. Reach out. Share. Smile. Hug. Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself." -- Og Mandino

The problem begins when the unhappy person does not get all of their needs and desires met through someone else and believe they are unhappy because of the person they married. But in actuality nothing is further from the truth. Unhappy and bitter people have made an addiction for themselves - they have a compulsion to wallow in their misery. They are stuck inside of their discontent and bitter heart and can't get out, no matter how much they continue to use and abuse others for happiness.

The miserable person may even seem jovial to others on the outside - they go to work every day, take care of their families, and seem to have a normal life, but on the inside something is amiss with these unhappy, bitter folks. They often complain about others, and try and control any one they can to get their needs and desires met. But marriage, and any relationship for that matter, cannot stand up under such abuse and the marriage usually ends in divorce.

So, what can an unhappy person do to help themselves out of their misery? First off the unhappy person should realize that happiness does not grow on trees - you cannot get happiness through others. You are hurting so many people in the process of creating happiness for yourself and that is very wrong.

Happiness is found within the person you are - you master happiness for yourself, once you master the art of connecting with your Creator. If your connection is faulty so will be the person you can be - the whole and complete person you were created to become. Happiness is made through building up your spiritual connection with God. God gives us everything we need to sustain ourselves with. If you have made room in your heart for His wisdom, knowledge and love, then you will find happiness within.

Jesus said, "Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you shall receive, and your JOY will be complete." (John 16:24 NIV)

ABC's of Hope

Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock and it shall be opened unto you. Matthew 7:7

Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed; for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest. Joshua 1:9

Continue in prayer, and watch in the same with Thanksgiving. Colossians 4:2

Draw nigh to God, and He will draw nigh to you. James 4;8

Evening, and morning, and at noon, will I pray, and cry aloud: and He shall hear my voice. Psalm 55:17

For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life John 3:16

Godliness with contentment is great gain. I Timothy 6:6

He that abideth in me, and I in Him, the same bringeth forth much fruit; for without Me ye can do nothing. John 15:5

In thee, O Lord, do I put my trust. Psalm 31:1

Judge not, and ye shall not be judged; condemn not, and ye shall not be condemned; forgive, and ye shall be forgiven. Luke 6:37

Keep yourselves in the love of God, looking for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ unto eternal life. Jude 1:21

Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have; for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. Hebrews 13:5

My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen Hebrews 11:1

O give thanks unto the Lord; for He is good; for His mercy endureth forever. Psalm 106:1

Pray without ceasing. I Thessalonians 5:17

Quicken us, and we will call upon thy name. Psalm 80:18

Rejoice in every good thing which the Lord thy God hath given unto thee... Deuteronomy 26:11

Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth Colossians 3:2

They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

Uphold me according unto thy word, that I may live; and let me not be ashamed of my hope. Psalm 119:116

Verily, verily, I say unto you, whatsoever ye shall ask the Father in My name, He will give it you. John 16:23

With God all things are possible. Matthew 19:26

Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it... Psalm 127:1

Ye shall seek Me, and find Me when ye shall search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:13

The Lord shall bless thee out of Zion... Psalm 128:5

Scriptural references are from the King James version of the Bible

Heavy Hearts

As I write this blog to day I write with a heavy heart. Yesterday we found out that Heather and Eddie(our pastor and his wife) had a miscarrige of their second child. My heart hurt so bad for them last night. I cannot even begin to imagine the pain of the loss that they are suffering.

I keep thinking of this bible verse: Psalm 9:9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

**I found this poem today and it made me think of their family.**

I never got to know you before you went away,
Because God took you home to heave where we’ll meet another day.
God says you’re his tiniest angel and you need to come home.
For reasons I don’t know , you went where angels roam.
Please know how much I miss you and though I may not understand,
I will trust a God who is faithful and live the life he has planned.
He says that you’lll be whole now so there is no need to cry .
Then reminds me of his own son, who on the cross for me had died.
I know one day I’ll meet you, but for now I will just stand still
And not question our Father’s reason because I know that it’s his will.
If I look when night is darkest at the stars that twinkle bright,
I will see God’s tiniest angel and the wings reflecting light.

Please continue to pray for this Eddie, Heather and both of their families as they deal this loss.

We love you guys!

Finally Over...

The dreaded home study is finally over. It was a long weekend and long start to the first of the week. Yesterday was the home study we had been preparing for. I would venture to say if people had to do everything on the list to get their house ready they would think twice about having kids. We cleaned, cleaned and cleaned some more. The house looks really good. Sunday we went to Home Depot and spent about $100 to buy some stuff to childproof the house. Only to discover that yesterday it didn't matter. She didn't check to see if any drawers or cabinets had the locks on them. The caseworker was at hour home for about 20 minutes total. She asked us several questions and did a brief walk through of the home. She gave us hope that we would have a child in our house by the first of the year. It may only be to foster but it is a start. We are so excited to possibly have a child here by Christmas. Christmas would be so different in our house.

We have a little more paperwork to complete and our training starts on 09/15 for 9 weeks. Keep us in your prayers daily.

Hurt and New Friendships

Never before did I imagine the impact infertility could have on a couple. Never did I dream that I could hurt so bad for something I didn’t have. All along the way, many times I was told by many people God has a plan for you and Sean. As many times as I heard it, sometimes it was often hard to accept. As the days, then months and eventually years past I wondered when was this plan going to come into effect.

I can see now as I come closer to God and open my heart the plan is starting to form. The times I strayed away seemed to be the times I hurt the most. God has placed some very important people in our lives right now that are helping us in our walk. Without the positive influence of Heather every time I talk to her I don’t know how I would go some days. She has became one of my close and dearest friends and I thank God every day for giving me a friend like that. I look back and see how Sean had been put on the pastor search committee to find the perfect pastor for us. Was it all in the plan? Did they find just want we needed? A pastor for a hurting church and a new set of friends for a hurting couple? I seem to think it happened for a reason…and I am VERY thankful for it.

Sean and I did receive some great news today. Home study is 08/12/09. We no longer have to attend the training at the Lake of the Ozarks, they enrolled us in the ones in Jefferson City and our background and fingerprints will be all done in the next week.
I am very very excited. Keep us in your prayers.

Our love,
Sean and Jessica

Wedding Pictures

We got a sneak peak of Stephanie and Andrew's wedding pictures today. Check them out. It was a beautiful day and they made such a beautiful couple. I feel blessed to have been a part of it.

http://meganthiele.blogspot.com/