Home Study Approaching

Well I sit here today with a lot on my mind. Mainly the thought of our home study finally coming next week. I wonder will our home be as perfect as I want it? What more could we need? There is Sean, myself and our little dog Sammy. The house is filled with more love than a person could imagine. We are so ready to share this love with a child that needs to be loved.

I have never felt the urgency of wanting a child as much as I have in this last month. A few of the girls I go to church with have found out they are pregnant and honestly I have to say the little bit of my jealous side came out. But as my wonderful husband tells me...."our turn is coming". Well our turn will start next week. I almost feel like I have the anticipation of being pregnant...I know I know....it is not the same but yet it kind of is. We don't know the sex of the child going to be given to us. Sean says he wants only boys if he can choose....we will see when that happens.

We will be attending foster/adoption classes starting on September for 9 weeks. We will go every Thursday night from 6-9pm. This will prepare us four our exciting journey.

I came a cross this website today and felt I should share. I have delt with many struggles and challenges along our way and want everyone to know who has not delt with this issue it is very hard. I know that everyone knows someone going through the hard time of infertility. Just remember what you say to that person. What sounds good to you may sound completly different in a childless couples ears.


Some Do's and Don'ts to Say To A Childless Couple.

Please Don't Say: "This must be the will of God for your life."- That may be, but if you lost a loved one to death, would you really want someone to say that to you in your grief?

Please Do Say: "Can I pray with you about this"?

Please Don't Say: "You can always adopt a child"- True, and adoption is a blessing for alot of people, but for many women they still feel the need to bear a child. Consider Proverbs 30:15-16,..."There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, 'enough'!: the grave, the barren womb, land, which is never satisfied with water, and fire, which never says, 'Enough!'

Please Do Say: "I will pray for you fervently and ask the Lord to bless you and give you the desire of your heart".

Don'ts with Quotes
"You're trying too hard, it should just happen." or "You should adopt and then you'd get pregnant."
Only one percent of couples who adopt, get pregnant.

A Quote: "This always irritated me too . . . I guess because it made me feel like it was 'my fault' I couldn't get pregnant. You know, like if we would start to adopt, we would relax and 'bingo' we'd be doing it right and get pregnant!"

"Stress is causing it" or "You just need to *relax* and you'll get pregnant."

A Quote: " Infertility is not just a state of mind. Relaxing didn't make me start ovulating, it was the Clomid"

"I'd give you mine if I could"

A Quote: "I understand that the person is just trying to say she cares, but this can be a particularly painful statement for the women with an infertility problem"

"You are so lucky not to have kids right now, because you can just do whatever you want whenever you want"

A Quote: "It just gets frustrating because we all want children, and it seems like people try to "comfort" me by telling me all of the negative reasons on why not to have children. Like I said it would be nice if we had the choice of being parents or not in the first place."

" God knows what is best for you"

A Quote: "I know that these are very true statements but when I'm feeling about as low as I can be and I'm balling my eyes out these words aren't very comforting coming from people that have children and have no clue as to what my husband and I are going through."

Extremely insensitive things to say to the childless women
"Would you like one of my children?"
"So, you have to go through a little treatment, no big deal."
"So are you still trying?"
"Have a bun in the oven yet?"
"When are you going to give me a grand baby?"
"Maybe you're not doing it right."
"Isn't she/he cute... wouldn't you like one"

Some Do's' Don'ts and Quotes, from woman who have miscarried.
"At least it didn't have a heartbeat yet."

A Quote: " I still mourn the loss of our children. I wonder what they would have been like. I wonder who they would have looked like, whether they were sons or daughters. How can people be so crass at such a heart wrenching experience?

"It was probably nature's way of resolving a deformity"

A Quote: "It isn't true that most miscarriages are due to a problem with the development of the fetus, but many people think this is the case. Again, it is hardly comforting".

Do Say: "I am so sorry that you lost the baby. I know how much you loved and wanted it."
*Thank you LIW for this special list of Do's, Don'ts and quotes. I really appreciate you sending them to me*

Thanks to all our friends and family for being so supportive in our decision to go through with this.